So we’ve all been there. Single, desiring attention or affection during those late hours. Going throughout your whole day completely fine, just happy and smiling. Yet as soon as night falls, and you begin to settle down it’s just like “damn…I’m really lonely.” For those of you who haven’t been there, who’ve never felt this way, it’s a terrible feeling lol. Okay! I take that back. I may be exaggerating a bit. I should say it was a terrible feeling for me, It was an experience like none other. I mean these lonely nights were a huge struggle for me.They caused me a lot of long sleepless nights.
I was in an almost 5 year relationship. I went from having someone to talk to, and hold at night, to staring at these bland ugly walls. It was truly a transition, and I was angry about it. My whole life people have made fun of me because of my desire to love. I grew up playing with Barbies, making Ken & Barbie walk down the aisle to get married as I had “Nothing Even Matters” by Lauryn Hill playing on cd. I mean I did this until I was like 12 years old…Very weird I know lol. As a little girl I would also sit on the sofa with my mom as she watched her favorite show, A Different World. I admired how the characters Dwayne and Whitley loved each other. These are just some of the concepts that shaped my mind, body, and soul to believe everyone should have someone. So people didn’t understand that telling me I needed to learn to be alone was almost the equivalent of telling a chicken it needs to learn to fly. Possible, but very inefficient. Although, I gave it a try. I started practicing the whole “being alone” thing. It actually was not that bad. I mean I started doing things and trying things I would have never done if I was still in my relationship. So for the most part things were going okay. I was happy. At least, I thought I was. I was content until night fall. It was not until laying in my bed that my heart felt as if it was slowly sinking out of my body. I don’t even think I was just sad over my ex, I was sad that I didn’t have my Dwayne. I was sad just laying there realizing I didn’t have anyone to call and tell about my day. I didn’t have anyone to hold me, or to rub my aching feet. I was devastated. I didn’t want to call my friends to cry or complain to them because I didn’t want to seem weak. They already made fun of me for being a sucker for love. I know my friends love & care about me, but I didn’t want them to judge me for feelings I could not control. Soo one day laying in my misery I begun to pray expressing to God all my sorrows, and my feelings of emptiness. Then this one night of prayer became a thing I would do every time I was feeling lonely and upset. Then it became a thing I would do every week. From there it became a thing I would do every night. I started to vent to God. On days I felt super emotional I would write to God in a prayer journal just giving him the load of sadness and loneliness I felt I was carrying. Honestly guys, this truly helped me. This is how I still survive my lonely nights. Even now I am truly happy and at peace, but I am still human and there are times I still long for companionship. However, this experience has taught me to trust God. In the Bible Zephaniah 3:17 says “The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. John 15:13-14 says “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
Honestly, there is no love like God’s love. If Im blessed enough to have the love of God, then I don’t need love that I pretended my Barbie & Ken doll shared, I don’t need the love Lauryn Hill sang about, and I don’t need a love like Whitley & Dwayne’s. I don’t need to feel sadden and have sleepless nights. I am loved by the King of all King’s, my Lord and Savior. An author, Jeremy Taylor, once said “Love is the greatest thing God can give us; and it is the greatest gift we can give to God.” Through God’s love I can survive anything, including those lonely nights. With God’s love, you can’t even consider them lonely nights. These are the nights we should choose to spend with him, until he blesses us with a night time/ life time companion. There is nothing wrong with being alone, because being alone not only teaches us how to love ourselves, but it teaches us how to receive and share the love of God. Make every experience a learning one, and survive your lonely nights by enlightening yourself on the love of God. I hope this post was of some value to you. Be blessed and feel free to like, comment, or share. -RAD