In honor of my Going•Natural•Versary I thought this would be the perfect blog post. So a year ago this week I did the unthinkable and chopped all my hair off. And I’m not going to sit her and say “I used to have long hair until I cut it all off,” or “I used to have long hair but then I got a perm and I was forced to cut it all off.” The reality is that, for me, that would be a lie! My hair was always a struggle. I have been using heat, getting colors and perms, and wearing weave since I was 10 years old. So the facts are, a year ago this week, I cut my hair because it was damaged! Short, thin, and balding in some places, chile it was a mess. And I decided that I needed a change. I couldn’t blame anyone for my damaged hair but myself. It was the result of my lack of self-care. So I thought long and hard about going natural. I knew it was my only option. I knew I had to cut it all off and start over again. And this time I had to properly take care of my hair. This was not an easy decision for me. I truly struggled with it. I mean I thought long and hard about what people would say about me. Would people still find me attractive? Let me tell you. You see my natural hair was damaged, however I always keep it covered. It was always hidden under a weave that was laid hunty! My weaves were poppin, and they were apart of who I thought I was. So would I still be beautiful cutting all my hair off? Would I still be me? Every woman has their own personal insecurities, some more than others. For me my weaves hid and masked a lot of my personal insecurities. If I’m being completely honest, I believed and I thought that society believed, body & hair were the things that made a woman beautiful. I mean features like boobs, hips, butt, and good hair are what men look for? Right?Well I’m not busty at all, chile I’m the commander-in-chief of the itty bitty titty committee. I don’t have a big ole juicy booty. At the age of 23 I think I may be finally seeing a little bit of hips forming. And I had to cut off my hair. My confidence was at an all time low! The features that I believed made a women, a women, I didn’t have. I had to decided if I wanted to continue to disguise my damaged hair under weaves, or if I wanted to make a change that was going to make me look and feel better in the future. In the words of Ms.India Arie “I am not my hair, I am not this skin, I am a soul that lives within.” And I truly had to believe that. So Idid it! I cut my hair!And don’t let me fool you. I hid my bald head under wigs, and for a long time. I barley told anyone. It was because of YouTube Vlogers like Malibu Dollface & Peak Mill that I was able to go through with this fresh start. These too YouTube sensations create and wear the most beautiful wigs and units. I thought I was going to be just like them if I had to cut my hair off.
It was also through the support of my hairstylist/ bestfriend @StylesByJane that I was able to do it. She created and styled the most beautiful wigs for me to get through this process. And most importantly it was through growing and building my relationship in Christ that I was able to get through this process. I had to learn that God loves me as I am. So it did not matter who did not. Psalm 139:14-16 reads “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” God created me as he wanted me to be. With my beautiful body, my beautiful skin and my beautiful hair! Who am I to me ashamed of Gods work? Who am I to be ashamed of my heritage? My hair represents the beautiful black woman that I am, and my hair is a statement of my pride. So as much and I love a 26in silk pressed weave, I have grown to accept and love my natural hair. I’m so very excited to be at a year in my journey & I can’t wait until I’m at 3 years and 5 years and 10 years. I learned there is so much I can do with my hair and so many natural styles I can wear. And most importantly I’ve learned “If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive. ” – Audre Lorde. You may see me with a fro today and a weave tomorrow. That’s just me. My goal is self care not your opinion. Be Bold, Be Beautiful, and Love Yourself. I hope you enjoyed feel free to like comment and share.