Surviving The Comfortless of Situations

One of my biggest flaws was that I kind of relied on the emotional comfort and support of others. When I needed to get something done I would go out and do it. When I needed something financially I would go out and hustle for it. But, when I needed some love and sympathy I would rely on other people to be there for me. This may sound crazy but I think it’s because I am an older sister to 11. Yes I have 12 siblings, 1 older brother and 11 younger siblings. I feel like I constantly have to be a good role model to them, they are persistently watching me. So I hold it together, and stay strong around them, but everyone else gets my mess. Everyone else gets the “woe it’s me,” broken down, helpless wreck version of me. When I used to feel down and out I would wait for a loved one, or a friend to be the pick-me-up-er I needed to move on. I think this may have been one of the biggest underlying issues in my pervious relationship. I got to a point where I needed him to be the sunshine on my gloomy days, and he did not need me to do the same. No shade to him,  he is a very strong, and independent man. But, when people are trying to grow, and are facing their own personal adversities you can’t expect them to carry the weight of your burdens plus the weight of their own. I think I learned about that in a college psychology class. We learned that in a satisfying relationship you can’t expect your partner to be your personal therapist, you began to have unrealistic expectations of your partner. But anyway, I hated psychology class, so back to me.books I always built these comforting relationships with people where I kind of depended on them when I was down. And don’t get me wrong between high school and college I’ve made the most amazing group of supportive, and most importantly God fearing friends. In high school I don’t know how many times I called my friend Andrew ranting about my at the time low self-esteem. And in college I don’t know how many times I went crying to Jay about issues from financial aid, to failing an exam I studied for hours for, to begging for advice about boys. And my fabulous group of Sister-Friends, I don’t know how many times I cried and prayed with them over my biggest family issues, to my heartbreaking break up I thought I was never going to get over. My friends are pretty amazing, and I love and appreciate them dearly. However, there was a problem with me depending on their comfort. See relationships change. It’s really just that simple. I had to learn I can’t depend on people for my comfort because sometimes people may not be available to comfort me. I needed to find my own strength, encouragement, and comfort. I will never forget this quote by inspirational speaker, author, life coach and television personality Iyanla Vanzant.  You guys know her from Iyanla Fix My Life probably, but she said “In my deepest, darkest moments, what really got me through was a prayer. Sometimes my prayer was ‘Help me.’ Sometimes a prayer was ‘Thank you.’ What I’ve discovered is that intimate connection and communication with my creator will always get me through because I know my support, my help, is just a prayer away.”
 And Iyanla is absolutely right. There is one comforter who is never going to be unavailable. There is one comforter who is never going to leave me. There is one, and only one comforter who I should be depending on, and that is my Lord and Savior. See I learned that God will not only bring me comfort but he will fix my situation. It was through the grace of God that he has kept me this far. I had to learn to praise God in advance. I had to learn to praise God through my trails and tribulations. It is nothing wrong with talking about my struggles and telling people about my situations, as long as I am telling people about them in Faith. “Yeah Im hurting right now, But GOD! Yes I am struggling in class, But GOD! Yes I need $$$$ to pay off this bill, But God! Yes the doctor told me this, But God!” I have to know that God is my comforter and God will see me through. I will continue to use my loved ones and friends as a resource for when I am down, and whatever else I need for that matter, a therapist, a mentor, etc. However, I know that they are just a resource. My pastor said “There is a difference between a resource and The Source.” Know who turns your situations around, 48b39b20cb7aea46d73d2c995e08af641know who will make a way out of no way. Know who will turn your bad decisions around. I had to learn that when I begin to feel down and out I need to praise God for what he is about to do in my life. My goal is to try my hardest to live right by God, because when you are loyal to God, and living right by God, God will meet your need. Psalm 147-2:6 The Message (MSG) reads God’s the one who rebuilds Jerusalem, who regathers Israel’s scattered exiles. He heals the heartbroken and bandages their wounds. He counts the stars and assigns each a name. Our Lord is great, with limitless strength; we’ll never comprehend what he knows and does. God puts the fallen on their feet again and pushes the wicked into the ditch.” I have learned to depend less on people and to just have faith. I mean I’m only 23 years old, and this was one of my biggest learning experiences in this chapter of my life. With this lesson I can survive anything. I hope you enjoyed this read and you remember God will comfort you. Have a RAD week. Feel free to comment and share. -RAD

#RWW Rad Woman Wednesday


rww grad

This Week’s #RWW RAD WOMAN WEDNESDAY Goes To All The Phenomenal Black & Brown Women Graduating College This Month. From The 2.5’s-4.0’s You Did It!! You Did What They Said You Could not. You Are More Than A Conquer. You Are #BlackGirlMagic You Are The Future. Now Take Over The World!!

Surviving My Natural Hair Journey 

In honor of my Going•Natural•Versary I thought this would be the perfect blog post. So a year ago this week I did the unthinkable and chopped all my hair off. And I’m not going to sit her and say “I used to have long hair until I cut it all off,” or “I used to have long hair but then I got a perm and I was forced to cut it all off.” The reality is that, for me, that would be a lie! My hair was always a struggle. I have been using heat, getting colors and perms, and wearing weave since I was 10 years old. So the facts are, a year ago this week, I cut my hair because it was damaged! Short, thin, and balding in some places, chile it was a mess. And I decided that I needed a change. I couldn’t blame anyone for my damaged hair but myself. It was the result of my lack of self-care. So I thought long and hard about going natural. I knew it was my only option. I knew I had to cut it all off and start over again. And this time I had to properly take care of my hair. This was not an easy decision for me. I truly struggled with it. I mean I thought long and hard about what people would say about me. Would people still find me attractive? Let me tell you. You see my natural hair was damaged, however I always keep it covered. It was always hidden under a weave that was laid hunty! My weaves were poppin, and they were apart of who I thought I was. So would I still be beautiful cutting all my hair off? Would I still be me? Every woman has their own personal insecurities, some more than others. For img_1537me my weaves hid and masked a lot of my personal insecurities. If I’m being completely honest, I believed and I thought that society believed, body & hair were the things that made a woman beautiful. I mean features  like boobs, hips, butt, and good hair are what men look for? Right?Well I’m not busty at all, chile I’m the commander-in-chief of the itty bitty titty committee. I don’t have a big ole juicy booty. At the age of 23 I think I may be finally seeing a little bit of hips forming. And I had to cut off my hair. My confidence was at an all time low! The features that I believed made a women, a women, I didn’t have. I had to decided if I wanted to continue to disguise my damaged hair under weaves, or if I wanted to make a change that was going to make me look and feel better in the future. In the words of  Ms.India Arie “I am not my hair, I am not this skin, I am a soul that lives within.” And I truly had to believe that. So Idid it! I cut my hair!And don’t let me fool you. I hid my bald head under wigs, and for a long time. I barley told anyone. It was because of YouTube Vlogers like Malibu Dollface & Peak Mill that I was able to go through with this fresh start. These too YouTube sensations create and wear the most beautiful wigs and units. I thought I was going to be just like them if I had to cut my hair off.

It was also through the support of my hairstylist/ bestfriend @StylesByJane that I was able to do it. She created and styled the most beautiful wigs for me to get through this process. img_2539And most importantly it was through growing and building my relationship in Christ that I was able to get through this process. I had to learn that God loves me as I am. So it did not matter who did not. Psalm‬ ‭139:14-16‬ ‭reads “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in bad54ca73f6656f98ed3e371c0c4071byour book before one of them came to be.” God created me as he wanted me to be. With my beautiful body, my beautiful skin and my beautiful hair! Who am I to me ashamed of Gods work? Who am I to be ashamed of my heritage? My hair represents the beautiful black woman that I am, and my hair is a statement of my pride. So as much and I love a 26in silk pressed weave, I have grown to accept and love my natural hair. I’m so very excited to be at a year in my journey & I can’t wait until I’m at 3 years and 5 years and 10 years. I learned there is so much I can do with my hair and so many natural styles I can wear. And most importantly I’ve learned “If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive. ” – Audre Lorde. You may see me with a fro today and a weave tomorrow. That’s just me. My goal is self care not your opinion. Be Bold, Be Beautiful, and Love Yourself. I hope you enjoyed feel free to like comment and share. 

Surviving The Rainy Days 


If I’m being completely honest, this week has been a little rough for me. I’ve allowed overthinking and pestimistic thoughts to fill my week with a storm. You see I’m 23 years old. I’m a recent college graduate. And although, I have a lot to celebrate, my life is not quite where I thought it would be. As a little girl I fantasized about what going into adult hood would be like. I dreamed about all I would achieve and accomplish by the time I was 25. I know life doesn’t always happen as planned. But, no one told me I would feel the way I sometimes feel. No one told me that I would become my own worst enemy. I’ve always been very emotional. I easily get irritated, and I’m very quick to cry, especially over things I’m passionate about. I know that, that is very unattractive for a 23 year old. Which is why I decided that this is my year to control my peace of mind. 2017 is going to be the year that I’m in control of my feelings and emotions. And so far I’ve been doing pretty good. However, this week. This week I’ve been feeling like Debbie Downer. I’ve been overwhelmed with sorrow. I have been praying for some of the same situations for years. I have this one trial that I have been praying over for around three years. What do you do when you’ve been constantly praying, but your still unsure? Im literally screaming God I can’t see the signs, please talk to me! Sometimes I wish God could come down and just smack me in my face & say “Ray Open Your Eyes I Showed You The Signs.” What do you do when it seems as everyone is moving on and worrying about their own lives, everyone is setting & achieving personal goals, but you’re just stuck? As much as you try to prosper, and grow and accomplish your own goals, you’re distracted by situations from the past. Well that was my main reason for me creating this blog. To share my trails and tribulations and to hopefully inspire or encourage someone else in situations similar to mine. So I told myself I was going to try and make a blog post either Monday or Tuesday of every week. Well, it’s 9am Friday morning and I finally gained the strength to write. Monday & Tuesday of this week I was laying  in my sorrows lol (I’m so dramatic). Nonetheless, I’m serious I was, I am still hurting right now. I went to sleep last night very upset, but I woke up this morning! And that’s just it! God woke me up this morning! That alone is enough for me to be grateful. And because God has woken me up this morning I know he has not giving up on me. One of my favorite scriptures is Jeremiah 29:11 and it reads “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (NIV). That scripture holds so much volume to me. God has great plans for me, and although I may not see it or understand it today, things will always work out according to God’s will. Another scripture I try to remember on my raining days is Psalm 37:4 and this scripture reads “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (NIV). See Psalms 37:4 reminds me that my number one job in life is to live right by God. If I do my very best to live like I desire to get into the kingdom of God, then I’m going to be alright! God is going to take care of me. He has and he will continue to bless me with more than I need. I’m not just talking about financial, or meterial blessings. I mean God is going to take care of me by showering me in spiritual blessings. He is going to continue to shower me in his love, so I have to ability to bless others. That in it’s self is enough for me to jump out of bed and give God glory! Hallelujah!! So even though I have been down this week. Even though I have been carrying this storm cloud over me. I have cried myself to sleep.9f88b12718b3a495ffcc526a7a1d4bec I woke up this morning remembering I have a reason to be at peace. I remembered that I can’t stay in the storm, because there is always a calm after a storm. God is going to see me through this. I just have to be patient, and wait for my peace to return once more. God has not giving up on me so I can not give up on him. I give God praise for all things. I’m declearing victory, I am about to go get me a Vetti Carmel Ice Latte from Starbucks,  and I’m declearing calm over this storm. I’m declearing in Jesus name that today to is going to be a great day, for me and for you! I hope I was any to encourage you, or give you some hope, feel free to comment like or share. -RAD

Surviving The Lonely Nights

Cant Sleep 3So we’ve all been there. Single, desiring attention or affection during those late hours. Going throughout your whole day completely fine, just happy and smiling. Yet as soon as night falls, and you begin to settle down it’s just like “damn…I’m really lonely.” For those of you who haven’t been there, who’ve never felt this way, it’s a terrible feeling lol. Okay! I take that back. I may be exaggerating a bit. I should say it was a terrible feeling for me, It was an experience like none other. I mean these lonely nights were a huge struggle for me.They caused me a lot of long sleepless nights.

I was in an almost 5 year relationship. I went from having someone to talk to, and hold at night, to staring at these bland ugly walls. It was truly a transition, and I was angry about it. My whole life people have made fun of me because of my desire to love. I grew up playing with Barbies, making Ken & Barbie walk down the aisle to get married as I had “Nothing Even Matters” by Lauryn Hill playing on cd. I mean I did this until I was like 12 years old…Very weird I know lol.  As a little girl I would also sit on the sofa with my mom as she watched her favorite show, A Different World. I admired how the characters Dwayne and Whitley loved each other. These are just some of the concepts that shaped my mind, body, and soul to believe everyone should have someone. lone.pngSo people didn’t understand that telling me I needed to learn to be alone was almost the equivalent of telling a chicken it needs to learn to fly. Possible, but very inefficient. Although, I gave it a try. I started practicing the whole “being alone” thing. It actually was not that bad. I mean I started doing things and trying things I would have never done if I was still in my relationship. So for the most part things were going okay. I was happy. At least, I thought I was. I was content until night fall. It was not until laying in my bed that my heart felt as if it was slowly sinking out of my body. I don’t even think I was just sad over my ex, I was sad that I didn’t have my Dwayne. I was sad just laying there realizing I didn’t have anyone to call and tell about my day. I didn’t have anyone to hold me, or to rub my aching feet. I was devastated. I didn’t want to call my friends to cry or complain to them because I didn’t want to seem weak. They already made fun of me for being a sucker for love. I know my friends love & care about me, but I didn’t want them to judge me for feelings I could not control. Soo one day laying in my misery I begun to pray expressing to God all my sorrows, and my feelings of emptiness. Then this one night of prayer became a thing I would do every time I was feeling lonely and upset. Then it became a thing I would do every week. From there it became a thing I would do every night. I started to vent to God. On days I felt super emotional I would write to God in a prayer journal just giving him the load of sadness and loneliness I felt I was carrying. Honestly guys, this truly helped me. This is how I still survive my lonely nights. Even now I am truly happy and at peace, but I am still human and there are times I still long for companionship. However, this experience has taught me to trust God.  In the Bible Zephaniah 3:17  says “The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. John 15:13-14 says “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” 

Honestly, there is no love like God’s love. If Im blessed enough to have the love of God, then I don’t need love that I pretended my Barbie & Ken doll shared, I don’t need the love Lauryn Hill sang about, and I don’t need a love like Whitley & Dwayne’s. I don’t need to feel sadden and have sleepless nights. I am loved by the King of all King’s, my Lord and Savior. An author, Jeremy Taylor, once said “Love is the greatest thing God can give us; and it is the greatest gift we can give to God.”  Through God’s love I can survive anything, including those lonely nights. With God’s love, you can’t even consider them lonely nights. These are the nights we should choose to spend with him, until he blesses us with a night time/ life time companion. There is nothing wrong with being alone, because being alone not only teaches us how to love ourselves, but it teaches us how to receive and share the love of God. Make every experience a learning one, and survive your lonely nights by enlightening yourself on the love of God. I hope this post was of some value to you. Be blessed and feel free to like, comment, or share. -RAD


Celebrate Life: Happy Birthday to Coretta Scott King!

Coretta Scott King was an American author, activist, civil rights leader, and the wife of Martin Luther King, Jr. Today would have been Mrs.King’s 90th Birthday!

#RWW Rad Woman Wednesday

Beyoncé is My #RadWomenWednesday this week, and not just because she’s “The Phenomenal Superstar” Beyoncé. The Musical Icon decided to celebrate the one year anniversary of her album “Lemonade” by creating scholarships for black women to attend selected colleges. Her Formation Scholars Award will go to one black woman student at four colleges or universities.  Boston’s Berklee College of Music, New York’s Parsons School of Design, Howard University in Washington, D.C. and Atlanta’s Spelman College.


The RAD Experience

blog 1Hello! Welcome to The Rad Experience. For those of you wondering, I am Raijene Alayia Dreuitt (RAD). The RAD Experience is my blog, and hopefully your new go to guide on how to not only survive, but to conquer this thing called life. Lets be real. Sometimes life can be very overwhelming, challenging, and a complete pain in the “rear end.” I wanted to say the other word, but my mama may be reading this lol. Anyway, Im here to tell you that life gets better, and things will ALWAYS be okay. For my readers who personally know me, I know right, you can’t believe this is coming from dramatic ole cry baby Rai (Ray). See I’ve always been good at encouraging others, bqoute mya.pngut when it came to my personal mess I could never see the sliver lining. It wasn’t until recently that I declared that I was going to live my life at peace. The great Maya Angelou once said “I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” Things are just that simple. Live and learn, fall and get back up, and etc.  You may be changed by the trails and tribulations you face, but ensure that you are changing for the better. When things get rough have your brief woe is me moment and then encourage yourself to move on. That’s my plan. That is how I am choosing to not only to survive, but to conquer this thing we call life. I am 23 years old and still have so many things to learn and experience. The RAD Experience is just my personal intake on life. I decided to share my personal journey with you to help both you and I become better people, to feel good, to love harder, to laugh more, to enjoy the little things, to count our blessings. I hope you enjoy! Welcome to Chapter 1: Surviving Your 20’s.